10

Before I Was A Mom

Posted by idawrites on June 10, 2010 in All Moms, Transitions |

I read what a lot of other Moms say, every day. Some make me think. Some make me laugh. Some make me weep. Some make me remember what my girls were like when they were tiny.

Today, they’ve made me do some of each… most of the articles were all on the same topic: Before I Was a Mom. This is a writing prompt from Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop (of which I am not a participant because I didn’t know about all these links until today.)

By the time I’d read the 10th one, I thought “cool… think I’m going to give that a go.” Then I started to mentally tally the list of things. You know what? My list made me sad and more than a little ashamed.

I don’t have a Sex and the City past. I was never “just me”. That’s what happens when you’re pregnant at 16… you don’t get to be you as an adult.  You don’t get to travel.  You don’t get to live with reckless abandon.  And you don’t learn until far later who you really are. I’m still not sure if I know.

Before I was a mom:

  • I was the fat kid with the giant curly hair who never shut up that everyone loved to make fun of.
  • I was the teenager who finally melted off all the baby fat and turned into a curvy pretty girl… that still felt ugly and fat.
  • I had sex with boys just because they paid me 10 minutes of attention. Which, of course, was as long as they stuck around afterward.
  • I drank and smoked pot for the exact same reason.
  • I was amazingly smart and I knew it… so I blew off school and skated by on my test scores.
  • I could sleep through tornado sirens, car accidents outside my bedroom window, and bone jarring thunderstorms.
  • I LOVED babysitting other people’s kids and hanging out at their houses… because it meant I didn’t have to be at mine.
  • I was an angry and combative teenager with no future because I was pissing it away.
  • I thought the purest love in the whole wide world was what I felt when I was with my granny (turns out this was pretty close to the truth).
  • I NEVER EVER thought that the life I have today was within my reach.

Almost every moment my life that makes me proud has been since I became a mom. I really don’t think I would have ever gotten off the self destructive, unhappy, broken path that I was on if I hadn’t become a mom. I think becoming a mom saved me from me…

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