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We Do It All For The Children … right?

Posted by idawrites on May 21, 2010 in Getting It All, Transitions |

It would be really easy to say I’m making these major life changes for my kiddos. As a matter of fact, I’ve probably claimed many times that I just want to go into business for myself and make my own schedule so that I can be there for the girls.

I want to be here to make their dinner and volunteer at their schools. I want to host sleepovers and scream at them to STFU at FIVE THIRTY AM after they’ve played Eye of the Tiger back to back 78 times on Rock Band, because the new kid doesn’t know any other songs (swear to god… this really happened). I want to have the freedom to travel with them on chorus trips and college campus visits. I do. But if I said I was doing it all for them, I’d be full of crap. And you’d know it.

The truth is, I know my moments as a mom who is needed on a daily basis are numbered. I see them slipping away faster than I ever dreamed possible. Anna is going to be a Senior in high school and my Faitha just graduated from the 6th grade academy yesterday. Sierra… my mini-me… is graduating 8th grade today and going off to high school in the fall. They’re flaunting this… this… maturing into young women in front of me every day!

My heart aches at every achievement… every award… every honors class… every driving lesson. I’m a hopeless mess at every chorus performance, report card, and glaringly responsible adult decision they make. They’re growing up and running as fast as their legs can carry them, the legs I taught them to so proudly stand on… and walk on… and run on. Running toward a future that I foolishly taught them was theirs for the taking. I’m thrilled for them … amazingly proud… and even more determined that I need to create memories to hold onto once they’ve gone out to conquer the world.

But even that is only part of the reason. The part of me that isn’t “all mom all the time” finally woke up and realized that I need to be running toward the future that’s mine for the taking too. I’m running toward the future that my heart craves… that makes me smile when I wake up in the  morning… that will show them their mom wasn’t just giving them lip service all these years.

Holy cow ya’all. I think I’m finally doing it for ME.

A Note From Ida:

The support I’ve received since deciding to quit the corporate world and since I launched this website two days ago has been mindboggling.  I really need to say thank you to my family, to my friends, and to those of you who have no idea who the heck I am.  I’m honored that you’re all coming with me on this adventure, and oh what an adventure it’s going to be!

This is usually the time that I remind my sisters that there are rules against making me cry at work.  But I’m hereby striking that rule down.  I cry ya’all.  When I’m happy and when I’m sad.  When I’m proud.  When I’m overwhelmed with emotion.  So, I guess I can’t really have that rule anymore and live this dream.

6 Comments

  • Jill D says:

    Having it all means I can be content in my life while still crying. I cry quite often these days. Part of that is reminding myself that when my daughter was a toddler I always said , “I will trust that I had raised her right when she is a teenager.” Now she’s a teenager and I think… wth… I swear I didn’t raise her this way. Oh wait, yes I did… I raised her to be smart, independent and have her own opinions. Crap! Talk about reaping what you sow.

  • Brooke Etier says:

    Another amazing post! I know that my decision not to go back to work in the “corporate” world has been due in large part to the fact that the “Etier Empire” – ie my household – runs much smoother if I have the time and flexibility to handle things. On the other hand, from a mental perspective I need and want to work- to accomplish things, to have something I feel proud of. Finding this balance is hard and I’m no where near it but reading your posts makes me feel a little closer.

    • Ida says:

      I wonder if we ever find a balance that works. Maybe it’s like “average” weather patterns. We don’t have average years, ever. We have super hot dry summers or super wet nasty summers … and over time, that’s how we get the “average”. Make sense?

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