Dear Asshole in the SUV,
I would just like to take a moment to THANK YOU for providing my 16 year old daughter a Valuable Driving Experience this weekend. You see, if not for you deciding that her RIDICULOUS adherence to local traffic law was incredibly offensive to you and completely unnecessary, she wouldn’t have learned that a trip to Wal-Mart had the potential to be deadly. She wouldn’t have known what it felt like to be completely terrified just because someone else was an impatient DICK. She also wouldn’t have known what it was like to have someone swerve around her while blaring the horn before cutting her off in the turn lane.
So thank you, you worthless fuck, for deciding it was time to Teach a Lesson to the girl in the minivan who obviously deserved to be run off the road and into the curb so that you could get that one last piece of credit card debt from the Wal-Mart toy section. If not for that lesson, she may have done something so idiotic as to ever get behind the wheel of a car again. She may have even FINALLY *GASP* taken her drivers test after a year and a half of parent supervised practice.
I would also like to thank you for providing all of these lessons to my child while my husband was in the passenger seat and not me. It’s the only thing that saved your life and kept me out of prison. I hope that crumpled SUV on the news last night was you.
One Bitchy Momma