Grief and Goals – Who Cares

Posted by idawrites on June 25, 2008 in Family, Goals |

Yesterday was a roller-coaster day, both figuratively and literally.  Mark took the children to Six Flags for the day, while I was at work.  Heather and Brittany are visiting from out of town, and don’t have season passes, so we planned to use our Bring a Friend for $9.99 coupons for each of them.  Mark called me later in the day to tell me that he had grabbed the wrong coupons, so instead of driving the 5 miles back home to get the correct ones, he just paid full price ($39.99 each).  I was absolutely furious with his carelessness with our money.  After all, I have to work 6 hours to cover the difference in ticket prices.

A few hours later, I got a frantic call from my mother.  My favorite uncle died of a massive heart attack.  There really are no words to describe the depth of this loss.  Suddenly, the $65 in wasted cash didn’t seem so important, nor did anything else.  Instead of spending the final night we all had together with Heather and Brittany, I hid in my room so that my sadness wouldn’t upset the children. This morning, on my way to work (an hour late, because I didn’t care) I stopped at McDonald’s and ordered two big breakfast sandwiches and a coffee.  I know I’m on a low-carb diet, but I didn’t care.

When I finally made it to work, I remembered that I have a post to write.  Writing here always makes me take a good hard look at myself.  That’s the reason I do it.  When I started getting my thoughts on “paper”, I realized that Not Caring is the biggest enemy to all of the goals we’ve worked so hard for.  Grief impacts everyone differently.  For some, it galvanizes them into action, others are crippled by fear, and still others will seek distraction at any cost.  For me, it causes such apathy that every goal I have is in jeopardy.  Weight loss, education, debt reduction, spending reduction… it’s all fair game for the auto-pilot response of “Who Cares?”.

I’m hoping that being accountable to myself here will help keep me from sliding too far into a funk. Posting may be scarce for the next few days.  Bear with me.


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