I told Faitha she could ride up to Alchemy with me tomorrow, missing 3 days of school this week, if all of her teachers sent me a note in writing saying she would be able to make up her work without penalty. Not gonna happen for a 9th grader who wants to go play in the woods for 5 days. I figured I was pretty safe. Except… they all said yes.
Now I’m making more space in the van.
This episode of Ida TV was filmed in front of a live audience!
Sierra and Faitha on the Euphoria Effigy Slide
Overheard in my front yard:
Mark: You need to get off the crazy train.
Sierra: Are you kidding me? I’m the frigging conductor of the crazy train. I can’t disembark or all of my friends will crash.
Not sure what makes me more proud.. that she’s so responsible, or that she used the word disembark in regular conversation.
Me: What did you guys do while I was gone?
Faitha: oh right… You were gone!
Good thing I don’t have a fragile ego.
Me: Sierra, do you have Homework?
Sierra: *Looks at her wrist, where she has all of her assignments written in pen, and starts listing off her homework assignments*
…Good to see that Anna’s legacy lives on.
I’ve had a huge mental barrier about writing this post. I know that we, as normal people, hate to make ourselves look bad and open up our less than attractive traits for the world to see. However, this has been clawing at me to get out and onto “paper” since it happened.
Mother’s Day is not the easiest day for my family. I don’t demand things or gripe that it’s My Day or any of that other garbage. I’m just a horrible “receiver”.
On past Mother’s Days I have, at different times, been presented with breakfast in bed (4 hours after I was ready to be out of bed… cold food/coffee…) and a single rose (the only bloom on my rose bush in the front yard) and left all by myself for peace and quiet (while the rest of the family laughs and talks and plays during their breakfast in the kitchen). So I thank my loving, generous, and kind family… and say “Please no more breakfasts in bed… I’d much rather enjoy breakfast with you guys!” I also may or may not have grumbled about having my only rose plucked from my bush.
This year, Sierra said “I don’t know why we do breakfast for you… it never ends well.” I felt like crap that I make them feel like their gifts aren’t appreciated. The SENTIMENT is always appreciated. But I feel like if it’s a gift FOR me, it should be something I want and enjoy.
So… this Mother’s Day, I got up at my normal time and spent some time hanging out with everyone. Anna was generously, once again, trying to please the unpleasable mommy. When I went to the kitchen for my lovingly prepared breakfast, I officially requested that we start going out for brunch on Mother’s Day.
My sweet daughter had placed on a (paper) plate:
- One apple – Rarely has she actually seen me eat one of these… and I don’t eat sugar/carbs in the morning because it makes my blood sugar spike/drop and I get sick.
- One container of yogurt – expired
- 3 pieces of bacon – shaped into a smiley face! AWESOMENESS
- 1 Bagel – still cold from the refrigerator and only slightly toasted
- Jam – see above about carbs and blood sugar
She stood in the kitchen, SO disappointed, while I put the bagel back in the toaster, threw away the yogurt, put the apple back in the fruit basket, and fried myself an egg for a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese bagel. YES I felt like shit. YES I knew I hurt her feelings. But as my friend Heather (who was visiting) said that morning “I’ve only been here 3 weeks and I know you don’t eat sugars in the morning…”
I know that it makes my family think they can’t possibly please me. Hell, it makes ME feel like I’m completely inconsiderate and ungrateful. No amount of kisses and hugs and “thank you for trying, baby” will make her feel like less of a failure that morning. But really, who accepts gifts that make them unhappy, lonely, or physically ill?
I know I should be more laid back about receiving gifts… but I’m not. And, if you’ve known me for longer than five minutes, you’ll know I probably won’t ever be. I’m just not programmed to paste on a smile and go with the flow. So I guess that means I get the Inconsiderate Mom Award. Uh… yay me…
My mini-me graduated from the Teach One to Lead One program through Celebrate Life International, last week. According to the website, it’s a Leadership Mentoring program that promotes:
“These universal ethical principles apply to anyone, anywhere, anytime:”
In a school that is known more for its gang activity and drop-out rate than it is for its academics, I’m thrilled that the students are being exposed to such self-esteem and leadership boosting programs. Some of these teens will have few other opportunities to learn these concepts.
My whole hearted thanks go out to Pebblebrook High School and Celebrate Life International for giving so many of these kids the knowledge that there is an alternative to the life their parents have modeled.
Congratulations Sierra… I’m proud of you, and of the responsible young woman you’re growing into.
On the one morning a year that my family would like for me to sleep in (so THEY can sleep in) and lounge about while they dote on me, I (of course) woke up at 5:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I played some solitaire on my phone while lying still and trying to convince myself to get another hour or two of sleep. When that didn’t work, I took the longest most luxurious hot shower I can remember ever having. Then I dried myself with my brand new (58% off clearance!) Egyptian cotton towels. YAY BLISS.
When I crept to the kitchen to start the coffee pot, I found this at my spot on the kitchen table. It definitely put a big smile on my face while I was making the coffee and folding the first load of laundry of the day.
After Mark woke up (ok… so he rolled over in his sleep and I pounced on him and told him since he was awake it was time for him to pay attention to me), and we headed back to the kitchen for more coffee, I found this on my laptop desk in the living room:
Anna wrote me a poem and titled it “What About Then“:
There’s always going to be someone,
To tell you when you’re right.
To praise your work
And lift you up when you’re not in a plight.
But what about those times,
When nothing seems to go right?
When mornings aren’t as bright,
And every step forward’s an uphill fight?
What can you do,
When everything goes wrong,
And you have to hide it,
And try to be strong?
Remember these words,
Which will always ring true:
You’re perfect, mom,
And I love you.
It’s not often that they make me cry before they’re even out of bed, but there you go. I made it to the last 4 lines before I started leaking. That’s got to be a record.
I know everyone has their own spin on Mother’s Day. For my friends and family members who’ve lost their moms, this is one hell of a tough day. Brad and Jeremy, please know that my thoughts and love are with you today.
If you come from a large family, a close knit community, or a broken home… chances are that you’ve got more than one person who soothed your tears, paddled your behind, fed you, bandaged your knee, listened to you pour your heart out, gave you advice, and loved you immeasurably… in other words, more than one “Mom”. In my life, I’ve been so blessed to have many of these people.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!
And Uncle Doug – I’m still trying to get the family to let me make them peanut butter gravy. They have no idea what they’re missing!
And Mama Kaye – I’ll never forget how you saved my sanity when Anna had colic.
And Mrs. D – Thank you for the hours and hours of phone time… and for raising an amazing son. He still makes all my dreams come true.
Thank you for all the good things you’ve brought to my life. I’m thinking of you today.
In three weeks it will be a full year since I quit my corporate job. I was going to write a book, and build my blogs into a full time venture, and be a model wife and stay at home mom. I’m smart, capable, and pretty high energy most of the time… it was gonna be a piece of cake.
During one of our long chats about the direction I planned for this blog, the PTSA, my garden, and all of my June Cleaver dreams, my friend Jill said “Just remember that it took me a whole year to get the rhythm of our house and our life down so that I could do more than just run around like mad trying to take care of everything.” Of course, I totally knew I’d be able to walk out of the corporate world into the full time homemaking world without so much as a misstep.
I can see Jill’s facial expression in the back of my mind when I said as much. The look that says “Yeah ok… let me know how that works out for you…”
Between family emergencies, children needing to go in opposite directions at the same time, an amazing (but exhausted) husband who works long hours, house repairs, friends in need, social engagements, and trying to battle depression… I’ve spent this last year in complete overload. Except for that 2 month stretch where I gave up on it all and spent all my waking hours playing an MMORPG. As a result, NONE of the things I had on my list last year even made the Top 20 List of Priorities.
Here we are though, at the end of year one, and I’m finally feeling like I have (most of) a grip on our life. I’m ready to take baby steps back into all of those goals I have been pushing into the closet for so long. I don’t know where this road is going to go, but I’m long past ready to find out!