Last night I shared some pretty exciting news with one of my sisters. News that I hadn’t actually shared with anyone but Mark (and can’t share with you until later this week!!!). She said “wow, I want to be you when I grow up!” Her praise caught me completely off guard and instead of just shutting up and saying thank you, like I should have, I went with my knee-jerk self deprecating response. I responded to her sincere compliments by listing reasons why it wasn’t a big deal and why I admired her so much too.
I made my sister feel like I didn’t appreciate her admiration and encouragement. I suspect that I also made her feel like I was deflecting her compliments as false, while paying her my own compliments. As soon as the conversation was over, I realized what I’d done. Of course, by then it’s a little too late.
It really made me think about how I view myself and my contributions. Why don’t I see the same value in what I do that others see? I am always so darned flattered that you keep coming back to read the stuff I put out there, but in the back of my mind, I do wonder why. The dreaded “negative self talk” has reared its ugly head.
I’ve spent some time thinking about the negative self talk when it comes to other areas of my life. I talk myself out of going to the gym. I talk myself out of snowflaking that extra $5 toward the bill I should pay. The excuses are many and varied. They all end up the same way though, negatively impacting my ability to move forward in a healthy manner. It struck me like a ton of bricks that I am my own biggest barrier to success. What a huge revelation!
Today, I’m going to remind myself that I AM talented. I AM making a difference in my life and sharing those experiences to help make a difference in the lives of others. I AM smart. I AM worth the extra effort to get my butt to the gym. I AM going to continue to make an income and CAN find the extra $5 in my budget to snowflake toward our debts. We ARE going to get out of debt completely and it’s going to feel fabulous. This is not because of luck, but hard work and perseverance. Those are admirable traits and I need to remind myself that being complimented isn’t a bad thing.
And to my sister, I AM thrilled that there are parts of me that you admire. There are parts of you that I admire too, and I’m glad we can share those differences to enrich one another’s lives.
How do you talk to yourself? Are you encouraging yourself to achieve your goals, or setting up invisible roadblocks?